Humor

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Black Metal Parents Keep Pestering Daughter to Give Them Grandkids to Sacrifice

Local black metal parents Suzanne and Dmitri Ubnatern are persistent in asking their 30-year-old daughter to give them grandchildren to metaphorically sacrifice.

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45 Minute Presentation About the Dangers of Wokeness to Open For Upcoming Disturbed Tour

Long-running nu-metal band Disturbed surprised fans by announcing that the opener for their upcoming North America tour will be a 45 minute presentation about the “dangers of wokeness,” disheartened but unsurprised sources report.

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We Sat Down With the Remaining Members of Poison, Which Turns Out Is All of Them

Whether it’s “Talk Dirty to Me,” “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” or “Nothin’ But a Good Time,” chances are you’re familiar with iconic glam rockers, Poison. The Hard Times was lucky enough to score an exclusive interview with these legends.

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I Gave John Lennon the Finger Guns the Day He Died and I’ve Felt Guilty Ever Since

I have a confession. It's been eating away at me for decades. On December 8th, 1980 when I waited outside of the Dakota Apartments hoping for a glimpse of my idol. Though I wasn’t able to meet him, I was able to briefly make eye contact and fire of

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Anti-Government Conservative Adds 75th Thin Blue Line Sticker to Truck

Self-proclaimed freethinker Terry Schuse added a 75th thin blue line sticker to his prized truck despite constantly ranting about government tyranny.

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AOC Proposes Nationwide Ban On Straws After Learning Trump Won Straw Poll

WASHINGTON, DC — Following former President Donald Trump's overwhelming victory in CPAC's straw poll for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination, New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has proposed legislation that would impose a

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    Somebody Made F U Break Up Boots

    Breaking up with someone has never been easy. But now, thanks to KiraKira Couture's latest creation, the Fiercely Undaunted (FU) high heels, you can send

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      Trump Train Visit Cold Open - SNL

      Donald Trump (James Austin Johnson) delivers a message to the residents of East Palestine, Ohio, following the train derailment.Saturday Night Live. Stream n...

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      Most Racist Moments Compilation (not for snowflakes) #1

      #familyguy #familyguyfullepisodes #familyguyfunnymoments #petergriffin #familyguydarkhumor #familyguynozoomMost Racist Moments Compilation Family Guy (n...

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      Meteorologists Struggling To Report The Weather As All The Weather Balloons Have Been Shot Down

      U.S. — Meteorologists across North America have been seen on live television struggling to report the weather now that all of the weather balloons have been shot down.

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        President Biden Calls for National Moment of Silence for Lowered Railway Stock Price

        President Biden called for a moment of silence after the stock price of the Norfolk Southern Corporation sharply dropped following a disastrous railway derailment that is currently leaking vast amounts of toxic chemicals.

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        Ilhan Omar Withdraws Support For East Palestine After Learning It’s In America

        WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representative Ilhan Omar has canceled a planned rally to support the victims of the East Palestine chemical spill after learning East Palestine is actually in America.

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        Benedict Cumberbatch reads a hilarious letter of apology to a hotel

        In March of 2018, 18 years after being banned from the Empress Hotel in British Columbia, Novia Scotia resident Nick Burchill wrote them a letter and asked f...

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          Spy Balloon Cold Open - SNL

          Katy Tur (Chloe Fineman) reports on the U.S. military shooting down a suspected Chinese spy balloon (Bowen Yang) with the help of a Pentagon official (Kenan ...

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          Nation Surrenders To Chinese Balloon

          WASHINGTON—Bowing down before the floating intruder mere hours after it entered American airspace, the entire U.S. nation reportedly surrendered Friday to the Chinese balloon spotted hovering over Montana. “Today, I speak to the Great Balloon to say u

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          CNN To Consult With Biden On Getting Away With Completely Fabricated Stories

          WASHINGTON, DC — According to several sources, CNN has reached out to President Joe Biden for a consultation on how to make up stories and still escape being branded as deceptive.

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            WEF Attendees Discuss How To Make Eggs Even More Expensive

            DAVOS — Elites have gathered at the World Economic Forum to discuss the latest ways to fix all the world's problems while also making themselves extremely rich at the expense of the poor. In the keynote speech, Klaus Schwab announced that this year

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              30 Other Things Investigators Found In Biden’s Garage

              Investigators found classified documents in President Biden's garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal!

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              Yet Another Stash Of Classified Documents Discovered During Biden’s Colonoscopy

              WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House is on edge this morning after investigators revealed a fourth stash of classified documents from Biden's tenure as Vice President was found deep in his colon.

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              DOJ Indicts Trump For Biden’s Possession Of Classified Documents

              WASHINGTON, DC — After multiple caches of highly classified government documents were found in different locations belonging to President Joe Biden, the United States Department of Justice acted swiftly to indict former President Donald Trump for the al

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                How to Survive in the Third World States of America

                It’s 2028. Our non-binary Emporer/Empress Kamala Harris has outlawed guns, meat, combustible engines, gas stoves, and testicles. Americans are starving except for those lucky enough to live in t...

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                Study Finds Despite Campaign Promises, Malarkey Has Increased 376% Under Biden

                U.S. — A newly released study has revealed that overall malarkey levels across the country have risen 376% since Biden took office, calling into question his Presidential campaign slogan that promised "No Malarkey."

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                  Clowns Debate Who Will Be Elected Next King Of The Clowns

                  WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to reports, a group of clowns has gathered at the Capitol Building to debate over who should be the next king over all the clowns.

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                  Republicans Gather In Congress To Vote On Who Will Fail The Voters This Time

                  WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, Republicans in Congress are gathering to vote for their preferred politician who will let the voters down over the next two years.

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                  Ex-Twitter Employee Scores New Job Working For FBI Due To Past Experience Working For FBI

                  QUANTICO, VA — Twitter's new CEO Elon Musk made headlines recently by revealing the FBI had paid Twitter to mass-censor conservative voices, serious allegations that followed layoffs which themselves have been described as worse than the Civil War

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                    Democrats Vow To Find New Social Platform That Will Censor The News About What They Did On Twitter

                    U.S. — Democrats have dedicated themselves to finding a new social media platform that will agree to censor damaging stories coming about how they used other social media platforms to censor damaging stories.

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                      In Huge Black Friday Sale, Store To Sell Everything For Price It Was Before Biden Became President

                      RALEIGH, NC — A local retailer is making waves after announcing its most dramatic Black Friday sale ever, in which every item in the store is marked down to whatever the price was before Biden became President.

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                      15 Funny Gen X Memes That Captures The Gen X Life

                      There are a lot of things that make Gen X unique, and one of those things is their sense of humor. Sit back and enjoy these Gen X Memes

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                      Former Twitter Employee Can't Seem To Find Meditation Room At New Taco Bell Job

                      SAN FRANCISCO, CA — According to sources, a local developer who was recently let go from Twitter is having a difficult time finding the meditation room at his new job at the SFO Airport Taco Bell.

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                        Katie Hobbs Projected To Win Arizona Governor’s Race With 108% Of Precincts Reporting

                        PHOENIX, AZ — In a stunning outcome to a highly scrutinized race, Katie Hobbs, the charismatic leader and official vote counter of Arizona, has emerged victorious after 108% of the state's voting precincts reported in. Though mathematicians were pu

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                          In Narrow Senate Race, Democratic Candidate Wins By Only 2 Roller Bags

                          LAS VEGAS, NV — As the nation continues to await the final results of last week's midterm elections, a local Democrat candidate pulled out a shocking victory in a narrow race, winning by only two rolling travel suitcases.

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                            Newly Hired Restaurant Hostess Receives Ceremonial Nose Ring

                            PORTLAND, OR — An age-old tradition continued today as a newly hired restaurant hostess received her ceremonial nose ring in front of her colleagues following the end of her initial shift.

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                            'Women Are So Emotional,' Says Man Whose Entire Mood Hinges On Performance Of Favorite Sportsball Team

                            TUSCALOOSA, AL — According to sources close to local man Greg Bernard, the construction sales representative, husband, and father of five often makes cracks about how emotional and moody his wife is, despite the fact that he himself is only happy if his

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                              Kamala Harris Quotes As Motivational Posters

                              Post these on Twitter to show everyone how much you admire strong women and love paying more money for gas and groceries.

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                              I made the Pufferfish Meme in Minecraft - YouTube

                              So I made the pufferfish eating a carrot meme in Minecraft, and added a few extra things. Just vibe checking, Peta don't sue me. " I made the Pufferfish Meme...

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                              Ottowa Towing Companies Tell Canadian Government They Have COVID

                              Yep. Have to self quarantine for several weeks just to make sure we don't spread covid around. Sorry Justin we can't help you. That is the way to take care of the sorry bastards killing kids with this crap. I love it. Tell the Canadian Government to…

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                              Political Cartoons

                              View political cartoons for the day and week featuring the latest trending news in elections, politics, and culture. Conservative satire, humor, and jokes from today’s best political cartoonists.

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                                The Epic Prank John Madden Pulled on 'Saturday Night Live'

                                John Madden played a prank on producer Dick Ebersol in 1982 while hosting 'Saturday Night Live.'

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                                Christmas Shoplifting in California! - YouTube

                                Grab your Magnesium Breakthrough at https://magnesiumbreakthrough.com/jpUse Code "JP2021" For a DealCheck Out My Merch Here - https://awakenwithjp.comTake a ...

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                                Analysis: Bald Weirdos To Play Outsized Role in 2022 Election

                                The Democratic Party's hopes of preserving President Joe Biden's agenda by retaining control of Congress in 2022 could rest on a unique demographic poised to play an outsized role in the upcoming midterm elections. According to a Washington Free Beacon an

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                                EXCLUSIVE: Ben & Jerry’s Targets Anti-Semite Demographic With Audacious New Ice Cream Flavors

                                Ben & Jerry's, a left-wing ice cream company owned by Unilever, announced Monday that it will stop selling its products in the so-called Occupied Palestinian Territory, more commonly known as the West Bank and East Jerusalem.

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                                Cicada Hits Driver of a Car in Cincinnati - Famadillo.com

                                Last night June 7, 2021 the Cincinnati police department reported that a car accident occurred because A cicada flew through an open window in the face of

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                                  I Hate Hiking and I Hate Hiking Boots - Famadillo.com

                                  My husband has been into running and hiking lately. I think Covid has made him absolutely nuts. He seems to want to go hiking everywhere and he feels he

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                                    Stacey Abrams Declares Self Israeli Prime Minister

                                    With Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu failing to form his right-wing government, former Georgia state legislator Stacey Abrams has declared

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                                        'Peak 305' - A Miami Court Zoom hearing features someone 'appearing' before the judge in way they never intended

                                        Sometimes your court case is double-booked with your backside injections. And sometimes your phone is still broadcasting...

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                                            GOP Place Kamala Harris's Picture on 'Missing' Milk Carton

                                            Vice President Kamala Harris will travel to Guatemala and Mexico to fulfill President Joe Biden's instructions to "engage in a diplomatic"

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                                              FNC's Carlson: Jeff Zucker Should 'Transition' -- Put Him in a 'Sheer Black Strapless Dress,' He Instantly Understands

                                              Friday, Fox News Channel's Tucker Carlson offered advice to CNN head Jeff Zucker on the heels of criticism from former network anchor Brooke Baldwin the "most influential anchors" on CNN, and highest-paid were men. | Clips

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                                                There's a Danish Kid's Cartoon about a Man with a Large Penis - Famadillo.com

                                                On the day that we lost Caillou I discovered that John Dillermand is a Danish kid's show about a man with an enormous penis. Not just a regular penis, but

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                                                  Penis Masks Are a Thing and There's a Reason - Famadillo.com

                                                  I read an article that people are wearing Penis masks because it becomes a joke of social distancing.  If you're close enough to recognize the

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                                                    Teddy Bear Flower Bouquets are a Thing and I Had No Idea - Famadillo.com

                                                    This is a bouquet of teddy bears which I truly had no idea was a thing.  Instead of flowers, people seem to be migrating to buying alternatives. In this

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                                                      Peter Billingsley is dishing on a little-known secret from the set of “A Christmas Story.”

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                                                        US Pension Money Flows into Chinese Companies: State Department

                                                        As the stock markets start to settle down after the tumultuous year that was 2020, many people are starting to

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                                                        Looney Tunes 1932-1960 | 5 Hours Compilation | Bugs Bunny | Daffy Duck | Porky Pig | Chuck Jones

                                                        Over 5 hours of the classic series which first started from the golden-era of cartoon shorts where Looney Tunes were not made for kids, a past long gone! Thi...

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                                                          And The Real Winner of the 2020 Presidential Selection Is... - The Dollar Vigilante

                                                          And The Real Winner of the 2020 Presidential Selection Is...
                                                          All about Jeff Berwick and Charlie Robinson's Book "Controlled Demolition": https://dollarvigilante.com/book
                                                          Subscribe to the The Dollar Vigilante newsletter: https://dollarvigilante.com...

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                                                            Oregon elections director fired after reporting problems

                                                            Oregon’s elections director was abruptly fired in a text message by the secretary of state after he pointed out serious issues with the state’s aging and vulnerable technology for running elections.

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                                                                  Did Tarantino want Kurt Cobain for a 'Pulp Fiction' role?

                                                                  The short answer is: it depends on who you ask. But the long answer sees one of music's most iconic singer coupled with a similarly gifted director

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                                                                    Biden - "You Know the Thing" Remix

                                                                    You can support me on Patreon (thank you!): https://www.patreon.com/HannahHoffmanMusic Or through Venmo (thank you!): @HannahHoffmanMusic Or just enjoy my chann...

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                                                                      Pledge of Allegiance, word-by-word meaning explained by Red Skelton (he includes Under God at end)

                                                                      14 January 1969. Famous American comedian, Red Skelton, explains the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, word-by-word, from a memo...

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                                                                        Apple will replace your defective AirPods Pro free of charge – BGR

                                                                        Apple is replacing defective AirPods Pro models that make crackling or static sounds for free. Some AirPods Pro that were manufactured before October 2020 have sound issues that cannot be fixed, and Apple will replace these units after examining them.

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                                                                            BREAKING: Hunter Biden's 'Fixer' Identified - A Secret Service Head In a Major US City

                                                                            For 47 years former Vice President Joe Biden was in politics.  He is now the Democrat Candidate for President.  However, recently unearthed activities involving Biden and his son Hunter have placed the whole family in a very embarrassing situation. The

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                                                                              Letter: What I'm voting for

                                                                              To answer all of those who would say “I can't believe you would vote for Trump."

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                                                                                ‘Thank God I Voted Absentee In Whatever Dumb Ohio Town I’m From,’ Say Brooklyn Residents

                                                                                BROOKLYN—Stressing how happy they were to make a difference back home in Sparta or wherever, Brooklyn residents told reporters Wednesday that they genuinely felt great about voting absentee in “whatever dumb Ohio town” they hailed from. “Yeah, I’m really

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                                                                                  Air Force ignores ‘take one’ trick-or-treat sign

                                                                                  THE PENTAGON — General Charles Q. Brown, Chief of Staff of the Air Force, was seen going back to a bowl of candy bars labeled “take one” twice at the Joint Chiefs of Staff socially-distanced trick or treat event. “I will be needing this for long-range Hal

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                                                                                    ACB Calmly Answers Questions While Typing Up Appellate Court Decision And Cooking Dinner For 9

                                                                                    WASHINGTON, D.C.—It was quite a spectacle at the Senate hearing for Amy Coney Barrett's nomination to the Supreme Court this morning, as Judge Barrett calmly answered the committee's questions while cooking dinner for her family of nine with

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                                                                                      Business Owners Boarding Up In Case Party Of Love And Tolerance Loses

                                                                                      U.S.—Business owners in Democrat-controlled cities are boarding up in preparation for an onslaught of mostly peaceful demonstrations should Trump win the election Tuesday.The real concern is that the party of love and tolerance loses the election.&q

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                                                                                        AOC Cancels Event Honoring Arafat After Learning he Visited Israel - The Mideast Beast

                                                                                        New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has backed out of an event honoring former Palestinian Liberation Organization chairman Yasser Arafat

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                                                                                        Oscars To Have New Inclusion Rule To Ensure Absolutely No One Cares About Oscars [Satire]

                                                                                        The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences has developed a new inclusion requirement for Oscar-nominated films. The Academy says it wants to make sure the winning films contain significant roles for groups who are under-represented in Hollywood, lik

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                                                                                        How to Celebrate July 4 Without Getting Canceled for Glorifying White Supremacy

                                                                                        The United States of America turns 244 this weekend. Normally that would be cause for celebration, but not anymore, now that the prevailing cultural sentiment demands that athletes issue statements to explain why they didn't take a knee during the nationa

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                                                                                        'Meth-gators': Police warn flushing drugs could create hyper-aggressive alligators

                                                                                        "Folks … please don’t flush your drugs m’kay," the Loretto Police Department wrote in a Facebook post.

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                                                                                          Ricky Gervais Explains Why He Reached Into the Chest of Hollywood and Pulled Out Its Heart Sunday Night

                                                                                          Ricky Gervais Explains Why He Reached Into the Chest of Hollywood and Pulled Out Its Heart Sunday Night

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                                                                                          Comedian Ricky Gervais Criticizes Hollywood for Ethical Compromise, Political Lecturing, in Golden Globes Speech

                                                                                          British comedian Ricky Gervais chastised Hollywood’s elites during his opening monologue at the Golden Globes award ceremony on ...

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                                                                                          Watch: Deranged Leftist Tries to Steal Trump 2020 Sign and Gets a Shocking Surprise

                                                                                          Watch: Deranged Leftist Tries to Steal Trump 2020 Sign and Gets a Shocking Surprise

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                                                                                          The 24 Most Absurdly Politically Correct Moments of the Last Decade

                                                                                          A lot has happened in the last decade — including a lot of things being called racist, sexist, offensive, or insensitive.

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                                                                                          Hillary Tweets White House Christmas Photo and 'Even the Tree Was Crooked'

                                                                                          Hillary Tweets White House Christmas Photo and ‘Even the Tree Was Crooked’

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                                                                                          'SNL' mocks Joe Biden gaffes in debate recap: 'I’m always one second away from calling Cory Booker 'Barack'” | Fox N

                                                                                          With an all-star cast, this weekend’s "Saturday Night Live" reenacted some of the more cringeworthy moments of last week’s Democratic presidential debate in Atlanta.

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                                                                                          Should I Really Continue the Relationship? | All Perfect Stories

                                                                                          Do you want to be close to a person who does not appreciate you, or is it time to break the chains that interfere with breathing? Sometimes you need to save not a relationship, but yourself.

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                                                                                            Tomi Lahren responds to left-wing backlash over her AOC Halloween costume: 'Calm down' | Fox News

                                                                                            Fox Nation host Tomi Lahren urged everyone to take a deep breath after many on the Left were quick to criticize the host for her depiction of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez this Halloween.

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                                                                                            Boy Suspects Brother Knows Of His ‘Phased Plan’ To Take Over Entire Bedroom

                                                                                            "It's all mine. I tried to beat him up and got the crap kicked out of me, but that only proves he cheated. All four times. "

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                                                                                            Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July hot dog eating contest by the numbers | Fox Business

                                                                                            Here’s a look at some of the numbers behind Nathan’s Famous hot dog eating contest.

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                                                                                            US Attorney General William Barr stuns conference with incredible BAGPIPES display

                                                                                            WILLIAM Barr, 69, grabbed a set of bagpipes from one member of the NYPD pipe band who had already been playing the event. And he got a rousing ovation from musicians and gathered attorneys alike.

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                                                                                            Learn to drive traffic and sales through social media marketing for $29

                                                                                            This 10-course social media master class bundle dives into everything from Facebook to influencer marketing.

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                                                                                            Three-Year-Old Girl 'Takes Down' Boy With Headlock

                                                                                            Three-Year-Old Girl 'Takes Down' Boy With Headlock And Offers Hilarious Explanation