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Black Metal Parents Keep Pestering Daughter to Give Them Grandkids to Sacrifice

Local black metal parents Suzanne and Dmitri Ubnatern are persistent in asking their 30-year-old daughter to give them grandchildren to metaphorically sacrifice.

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45 Minute Presentation About the Dangers of Wokeness to Open For Upcoming Disturbed Tour

Long-running nu-metal band Disturbed surprised fans by announcing that the opener for their upcoming North America tour will be a 45 minute presentation about the “dangers of wokeness,” disheartened but unsurprised sources report.

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We Sat Down With the Remaining Members of Poison, Which Turns Out Is All of Them

Whether it’s “Talk Dirty to Me,” “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” or “Nothin’ But a Good Time,” chances are you’re familiar with iconic glam rockers, Poison. The Hard Times was lucky enough to score an exclusive interview with these legends.

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I Gave John Lennon the Finger Guns the Day He Died and I’ve Felt Guilty Ever Since

I have a confession. It's been eating away at me for decades. On December 8th, 1980 when I waited outside of the Dakota Apartments hoping for a glimpse of my idol. Though I wasn’t able to meet him, I was able to briefly make eye contact and fire of

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Anti-Government Conservative Adds 75th Thin Blue Line Sticker to Truck

Self-proclaimed freethinker Terry Schuse added a 75th thin blue line sticker to his prized truck despite constantly ranting about government tyranny.

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AOC Proposes Nationwide Ban On Straws After Learning Trump Won Straw Poll

WASHINGTON, DC — Following former President Donald Trump's overwhelming victory in CPAC's straw poll for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination, New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has proposed legislation that would impose a

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Somebody Made F U Break Up Boots

Breaking up with someone has never been easy. But now, thanks to KiraKira Couture's latest creation, the Fiercely Undaunted (FU) high heels, you can send

Somebody Made F U Break Up Boots

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Trump Train Visit Cold Open - SNL

Donald Trump (James Austin Johnson) delivers a message to the residents of East Palestine, Ohio, following the train derailment.Saturday Night Live. Stream n...

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Most Racist Moments Compilation (not for snowflakes) #1

#familyguy #familyguyfullepisodes #familyguyfunnymoments #petergriffin #familyguydarkhumor #familyguynozoomMost Racist Moments Compilation Family Guy (n...

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Meteorologists Struggling To Report The Weather As All The Weather Balloons Have Been Shot Down

U.S. — Meteorologists across North America have been seen on live television struggling to report the weather now that all of the weather balloons have been shot down.

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President Biden Calls for National Moment of Silence for Lowered Railway Stock Price

President Biden called for a moment of silence after the stock price of the Norfolk Southern Corporation sharply dropped following a disastrous railway derailment that is currently leaking vast amounts of toxic chemicals.

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Ilhan Omar Withdraws Support For East Palestine After Learning It’s In America

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representative Ilhan Omar has canceled a planned rally to support the victims of the East Palestine chemical spill after learning East Palestine is actually in America.

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Benedict Cumberbatch reads a hilarious letter of apology to a hotel

In March of 2018, 18 years after being banned from the Empress Hotel in British Columbia, Novia Scotia resident Nick Burchill wrote them a letter and asked f...

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Spy Balloon Cold Open - SNL

Katy Tur (Chloe Fineman) reports on the U.S. military shooting down a suspected Chinese spy balloon (Bowen Yang) with the help of a Pentagon official (Kenan ...

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Nation Surrenders To Chinese Balloon

WASHINGTON—Bowing down before the floating intruder mere hours after it entered American airspace, the entire U.S. nation reportedly surrendered Friday to the Chinese balloon spotted hovering over Montana. “Today, I speak to the Great Balloon to say u

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CNN To Consult With Biden On Getting Away With Completely Fabricated Stories

WASHINGTON, DC — According to several sources, CNN has reached out to President Joe Biden for a consultation on how to make up stories and still escape being branded as deceptive.

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WEF Attendees Discuss How To Make Eggs Even More Expensive

DAVOS — Elites have gathered at the World Economic Forum to discuss the latest ways to fix all the world's problems while also making themselves extremely rich at the expense of the poor. In the keynote speech, Klaus Schwab announced that this year

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30 Other Things Investigators Found In Biden’s Garage

Investigators found classified documents in President Biden's garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal!

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Yet Another Stash Of Classified Documents Discovered During Biden’s Colonoscopy

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House is on edge this morning after investigators revealed a fourth stash of classified documents from Biden's tenure as Vice President was found deep in his colon.

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DOJ Indicts Trump For Biden’s Possession Of Classified Documents

WASHINGTON, DC — After multiple caches of highly classified government documents were found in different locations belonging to President Joe Biden, the United States Department of Justice acted swiftly to indict former President Donald Trump for the al

Sounds about right to me.

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How to Survive in the Third World States of America

It’s 2028. Our non-binary Emporer/Empress Kamala Harris has outlawed guns, meat, combustible engines, gas stoves, and testicles. Americans are starving except for those lucky enough to live in t...

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Study Finds Despite Campaign Promises, Malarkey Has Increased 376% Under Biden

U.S. — A newly released study has revealed that overall malarkey levels across the country have risen 376% since Biden took office, calling into question his Presidential campaign slogan that promised "No Malarkey."

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Bad Lip Reading sheds light on what Kevin McCarthy and Matt Gaetz REALLY said on the floor (watch)

McCarthy has a lovely singing voice ... just sayin'.

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Clowns Debate Who Will Be Elected Next King Of The Clowns

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to reports, a group of clowns has gathered at the Capitol Building to debate over who should be the next king over all the clowns.

The cannibal clowns eat their constituents with a smile.

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Republicans Gather In Congress To Vote On Who Will Fail The Voters This Time

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, Republicans in Congress are gathering to vote for their preferred politician who will let the voters down over the next two years.

Almost not funny.

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Ex-Twitter Employee Scores New Job Working For FBI Due To Past Experience Working For FBI

QUANTICO, VA — Twitter's new CEO Elon Musk made headlines recently by revealing the FBI had paid Twitter to mass-censor conservative voices, serious allegations that followed layoffs which themselves have been described as worse than the Civil War

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Democrats Vow To Find New Social Platform That Will Censor The News About What They Did On Twitter

U.S. — Democrats have dedicated themselves to finding a new social media platform that will agree to censor damaging stories coming about how they used other social media platforms to censor damaging stories.

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In Huge Black Friday Sale, Store To Sell Everything For Price It Was Before Biden Became President

RALEIGH, NC — A local retailer is making waves after announcing its most dramatic Black Friday sale ever, in which every item in the store is marked down to whatever the price was before Biden became President.

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15 Funny Gen X Memes That Captures The Gen X Life

There are a lot of things that make Gen X unique, and one of those things is their sense of humor. Sit back and enjoy these Gen X Memes

These are actually pretty funny, but the best, most accurate, funniest one, is the meme about Gen Z and Millennials be scared about nuclear war. It’s also true that we hate Boomers, Gen Z, and Millennials. I know I hate Boomers for destroying the amazing country given to them by the greatest generation. I hate Millennials and Gen Z because they can’t tell the difference between an Xer and a Boomer. Plus: we’re the second, or possibly third, greatest generation.

Humor | Satire

Former Twitter Employee Can't Seem To Find Meditation Room At New Taco Bell Job

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — According to sources, a local developer who was recently let go from Twitter is having a difficult time finding the meditation room at his new job at the SFO Airport Taco Bell.

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Katie Hobbs Projected To Win Arizona Governor’s Race With 108% Of Precincts Reporting

PHOENIX, AZ — In a stunning outcome to a highly scrutinized race, Katie Hobbs, the charismatic leader and official vote counter of Arizona, has emerged victorious after 108% of the state's voting precincts reported in. Though mathematicians were pu

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In Narrow Senate Race, Democratic Candidate Wins By Only 2 Roller Bags

LAS VEGAS, NV — As the nation continues to await the final results of last week's midterm elections, a local Democrat candidate pulled out a shocking victory in a narrow race, winning by only two rolling travel suitcases.

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Newly Hired Restaurant Hostess Receives Ceremonial Nose Ring

PORTLAND, OR — An age-old tradition continued today as a newly hired restaurant hostess received her ceremonial nose ring in front of her colleagues following the end of her initial shift.

I lost my appetite.

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'Women Are So Emotional,' Says Man Whose Entire Mood Hinges On Performance Of Favorite Sportsball Team

TUSCALOOSA, AL — According to sources close to local man Greg Bernard, the construction sales representative, husband, and father of five often makes cracks about how emotional and moody his wife is, despite the fact that he himself is only happy if his

This one will get a few people fired up.

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Flip Wilson on The Dean Martin Show - Christopher Columbus

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Friday Funday: Jill And Joe Are Puerto Rican? ¡Sí, Por Supuesto!

Joe Biden was the star of west Side Story

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Oh No! Noah Accidentally Fills Ark With Only Male Animals Because He's Not A Biologist | The Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.

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Kamala Harris Quotes As Motivational Posters

Post these on Twitter to show everyone how much you admire strong women and love paying more money for gas and groceries.

Humor | Funny Stuff

I made the Pufferfish Meme in Minecraft - YouTube

So I made the pufferfish eating a carrot meme in Minecraft, and added a few extra things. Just vibe checking, Peta don't sue me. " I made the Pufferfish Meme...

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Ottowa Towing Companies Tell Canadian Government They Have COVID

Yep. Have to self quarantine for several weeks just to make sure we don't spread covid around. Sorry Justin we can't help you. That is the way to take care of the sorry bastards killing kids with this crap. I love it. Tell the Canadian Government to…

really,AWAKENING

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Political Cartoons

View political cartoons for the day and week featuring the latest trending news in elections, politics, and culture. Conservative satire, humor, and jokes from today’s best political cartoonists.

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The Epic Prank John Madden Pulled on 'Saturday Night Live'

John Madden played a prank on producer Dick Ebersol in 1982 while hosting 'Saturday Night Live.'

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Christmas Shoplifting in California! - YouTube

Grab your Magnesium Breakthrough at https://magnesiumbreakthrough.com/jpUse Code "JP2021" For a DealCheck Out My Merch Here - https://awakenwithjp.comTake a ...

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Analysis: Bald Weirdos To Play Outsized Role in 2022 Election

The Democratic Party's hopes of preserving President Joe Biden's agenda by retaining control of Congress in 2022 could rest on a unique demographic poised to play an outsized role in the upcoming midterm elections. According to a Washington Free Beacon an

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EXCLUSIVE: Ben & Jerry’s Targets Anti-Semite Demographic With Audacious New Ice Cream Flavors

Ben & Jerry's, a left-wing ice cream company owned by Unilever, announced Monday that it will stop selling its products in the so-called Occupied Palestinian Territory, more commonly known as the West Bank and East Jerusalem.

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Cicada Hits Driver of a Car in Cincinnati - Famadillo.com

Last night June 7, 2021 the Cincinnati police department reported that a car accident occurred because A cicada flew through an open window in the face of

Humor | Humor

I Hate Hiking and I Hate Hiking Boots - Famadillo.com

My husband has been into running and hiking lately. I think Covid has made him absolutely nuts. He seems to want to go hiking everywhere and he feels he

I hate hiking and I hate hiking boots

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Stacey Abrams Declares Self Israeli Prime Minister

With Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu failing to form his right-wing government, former Georgia state legislator Stacey Abrams has declared

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'Who made this?': Now it's LeBron James getting the Gif treatment and it's 'brutal'

It's just perfect.

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Toronto police again show off a gun they traveled back through time to take off the streets

Either this is a parody account or the Toronto police are just trolling us.

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'Peak 305' - A Miami Court Zoom hearing features someone 'appearing' before the judge in way they never intended

Sometimes your court case is double-booked with your backside injections. And sometimes your phone is still broadcasting...

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'Call him BACK, Andrea!' We don't know who Andrea is, and what this guy DID, but man we can only HOPE she saw this hilarious thread

Give the guy a break, Andrea. Heh.

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GOP Place Kamala Harris's Picture on 'Missing' Milk Carton

Vice President Kamala Harris will travel to Guatemala and Mexico to fulfill President Joe Biden's instructions to "engage in a diplomatic"

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FNC's Carlson: Jeff Zucker Should 'Transition' -- Put Him in a 'Sheer Black Strapless Dress,' He Instantly Understands

Friday, Fox News Channel's Tucker Carlson offered advice to CNN head Jeff Zucker on the heels of criticism from former network anchor Brooke Baldwin the "most influential anchors" on CNN, and highest-paid were men. | Clips

Humor | Funny

There's a Danish Kid's Cartoon about a Man with a Large Penis - Famadillo.com

On the day that we lost Caillou I discovered that John Dillermand is a Danish kid's show about a man with an enormous penis. Not just a regular penis, but

Humor | Humor

Penis Masks Are a Thing and There's a Reason - Famadillo.com

I read an article that people are wearing Penis masks because it becomes a joke of social distancing.  If you're close enough to recognize the

Humor | Funny

Teddy Bear Flower Bouquets are a Thing and I Had No Idea - Famadillo.com

This is a bouquet of teddy bears which I truly had no idea was a thing.  Instead of flowers, people seem to be migrating to buying alternatives. In this

Are you scared or excited by this?

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Mom heartbroken after her funny Christmas card idea causes global controversy

"I’ve actually received messages from people all the way in Germany."

Humor | Funny stuff

Peter Billingsley is dishing on a little-known secret from the set of “A Christmas Story.”

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US Pension Money Flows into Chinese Companies: State Department

As the stock markets start to settle down after the tumultuous year that was 2020, many people are starting to

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Looney Tunes 1932-1960 | 5 Hours Compilation | Bugs Bunny | Daffy Duck | Porky Pig | Chuck Jones

Over 5 hours of the classic series which first started from the golden-era of cartoon shorts where Looney Tunes were not made for kids, a past long gone! Thi...

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And The Real Winner of the 2020 Presidential Selection Is... - The Dollar Vigilante

And The Real Winner of the 2020 Presidential Selection Is...
All about Jeff Berwick and Charlie Robinson's Book "Controlled Demolition": https://dollarvigilante.com/book
Subscribe to the The Dollar Vigilante newsletter: https://dollarvigilante.com...

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Oregon elections director fired after reporting problems

Oregon’s elections director was abruptly fired in a text message by the secretary of state after he pointed out serious issues with the state’s aging and vulnerable technology for running elections.

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Antifa militants gang up on Trump fans, pummel women to ground — and pro-Trump group responds by singing national anthem

Decidedly stark contrasts

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Wife has no idea how her husband knows what he does, but then he reveals his secret

Oh Boy! LOL!

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Did Tarantino want Kurt Cobain for a 'Pulp Fiction' role?

The short answer is: it depends on who you ask. But the long answer sees one of music's most iconic singer coupled with a similarly gifted director

Eric Stolz is a great actor, it may have been fun to see Kurt in that role but it was written so well and one of my favorite scenes.

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Biden - "You Know the Thing" Remix

You can support me on Patreon (thank you!): https://www.patreon.com/HannahHoffmanMusic Or through Venmo (thank you!): @HannahHoffmanMusic Or just enjoy my chann...

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Liberals Remind Nation Satire Only OK When Mocking Conservatives | The Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.

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Pledge of Allegiance, word-by-word meaning explained by Red Skelton (he includes Under God at end)

14 January 1969. Famous American comedian, Red Skelton, explains the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, word-by-word, from a memo...

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Apple will replace your defective AirPods Pro free of charge – BGR

Apple is replacing defective AirPods Pro models that make crackling or static sounds for free. Some AirPods Pro that were manufactured before October 2020 have sound issues that cannot be fixed, and Apple will replace these units after examining them.

Humor | Humor

Chicago Mayor Drives Past Looters To Arrest 7-Year-Old Having A Birthday Party | The Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.

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Anonymous White House Source Claims Trump Punched A Baby | The Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.

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BREAKING: Hunter Biden's 'Fixer' Identified - A Secret Service Head In a Major US City

For 47 years former Vice President Joe Biden was in politics.  He is now the Democrat Candidate for President.  However, recently unearthed activities involving Biden and his son Hunter have placed the whole family in a very embarrassing situation. The

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Sea Lion Gets A Little Lost And Ends Up In The Middle Of The Woods

He was just trying to find his way home.

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Letter: What I'm voting for

To answer all of those who would say “I can't believe you would vote for Trump."

Humor | Humor

‘Thank God I Voted Absentee In Whatever Dumb Ohio Town I’m From,’ Say Brooklyn Residents

BROOKLYN—Stressing how happy they were to make a difference back home in Sparta or wherever, Brooklyn residents told reporters Wednesday that they genuinely felt great about voting absentee in “whatever dumb Ohio town” they hailed from. “Yeah, I’m really

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Air Force ignores ‘take one’ trick-or-treat sign

THE PENTAGON — General Charles Q. Brown, Chief of Staff of the Air Force, was seen going back to a bowl of candy bars labeled “take one” twice at the Joint Chiefs of Staff socially-distanced trick or treat event. “I will be needing this for long-range Hal

USAF Satire

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ACB Calmly Answers Questions While Typing Up Appellate Court Decision And Cooking Dinner For 9

WASHINGTON, D.C.—It was quite a spectacle at the Senate hearing for Amy Coney Barrett's nomination to the Supreme Court this morning, as Judge Barrett calmly answered the committee's questions while cooking dinner for her family of nine with

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Business Owners Boarding Up In Case Party Of Love And Tolerance Loses

U.S.—Business owners in Democrat-controlled cities are boarding up in preparation for an onslaught of mostly peaceful demonstrations should Trump win the election Tuesday.The real concern is that the party of love and tolerance loses the election.&q

Humor | Funny Stuff

Senator Hirono Demands ACB Be Weighed Against A Duck To See If She Is A Witch | The Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.

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AOC Cancels Event Honoring Arafat After Learning he Visited Israel - The Mideast Beast

New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has backed out of an event honoring former Palestinian Liberation Organization chairman Yasser Arafat

Humor | Political Humor

Oscars To Have New Inclusion Rule To Ensure Absolutely No One Cares About Oscars [Satire]

The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences has developed a new inclusion requirement for Oscar-nominated films. The Academy says it wants to make sure the winning films contain significant roles for groups who are under-represented in Hollywood, lik

Humor | Political Humor

How to Celebrate July 4 Without Getting Canceled for Glorifying White Supremacy

The United States of America turns 244 this weekend. Normally that would be cause for celebration, but not anymore, now that the prevailing cultural sentiment demands that athletes issue statements to explain why they didn't take a knee during the nationa

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'Meth-gators': Police warn flushing drugs could create hyper-aggressive alligators

"Folks … please don’t flush your drugs m’kay," the Loretto Police Department wrote in a Facebook post.

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Ricky Gervais Explains Why He Reached Into the Chest of Hollywood and Pulled Out Its Heart Sunday Night

Ricky Gervais Explains Why He Reached Into the Chest of Hollywood and Pulled Out Its Heart Sunday Night

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Comedian Ricky Gervais Criticizes Hollywood for Ethical Compromise, Political Lecturing, in Golden Globes Speech

British comedian Ricky Gervais chastised Hollywood’s elites during his opening monologue at the Golden Globes award ceremony on ...

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Watch: Deranged Leftist Tries to Steal Trump 2020 Sign and Gets a Shocking Surprise

Watch: Deranged Leftist Tries to Steal Trump 2020 Sign and Gets a Shocking Surprise

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The 24 Most Absurdly Politically Correct Moments of the Last Decade

A lot has happened in the last decade — including a lot of things being called racist, sexist, offensive, or insensitive.

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Hillary Tweets White House Christmas Photo and 'Even the Tree Was Crooked'

Hillary Tweets White House Christmas Photo and ‘Even the Tree Was Crooked’

Humor | Humor

'SNL' mocks Joe Biden gaffes in debate recap: 'I’m always one second away from calling Cory Booker 'Barack'” | Fox N

With an all-star cast, this weekend’s "Saturday Night Live" reenacted some of the more cringeworthy moments of last week’s Democratic presidential debate in Atlanta.

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Should I Really Continue the Relationship? | All Perfect Stories

Do you want to be close to a person who does not appreciate you, or is it time to break the chains that interfere with breathing? Sometimes you need to save not a relationship, but yourself.