#TheHardTimes

Entertainment | Humor

Conservative Pundits Fly False Flags at Half Mast in Honor of Rush Limbaugh

Conservative talking heads across the country mourned the loss of Rush Limbaugh by reducing how many times they mentioned false flag operations on their respective shows.

Entertainment | Humor

Paul McCartney Wishes People Would Ask Him A Question About Wings Every Once in Awhile

Paul McCartney allegedly wishes someone would occasionally ask him about his time playing and performing with Wings.

Entertainment | Humor

Jesus Helped Me Quit Alcohol and Now It’s Time for Me To Help Him Do the Same

When I was deep in the throes of my alcohol addiction it felt like there was no hope for me. It felt like the whole world rested on my chest and the only thing that could lift the weight was the contents of a bottle. That’s when I found a friend in Jesu

Entertainment | Humor

Man Who Stormed Senate Already Back to Yelling at Skateboarders in Walmart Parking Lot

Ben Hartsock resumed his normal business of yelling at skateboarders for trespassing in a parking lot less than 24 hours after breaking into the Capitol Building.

Entertainment | Humor

Help! ICE Just Took Baby Jesus From Our Nativity Scene

This has to be some type of miscommunication. ICE just showed up at our front door. We allowed them in, of course, as we assumed…

Entertainment | Humor

Hallmark Christmas Romance Movies Set Unrealistic Expectations for Having Any Human Interaction Ever Again

Hallmark Channel’s signature Christmas-themed romance movies reportedly promote an unhealthy expectation of any kind of human interaction.

Entertainment | Humor

Ben Shapiro Pulls Pants Down to Ankles Before Peeing in Urinal

Alt-right conservative commentator Ben Shapiro pulled his pants all the way down around his ankles yesterday before using the urinal in a public restroom.

Entertainment | Humor

If Drinking Nothing but PBR Isn’t a Cleanse, Then Why Is My Piss Clear?

All too often, health gurus and ex-partners will tell you that guzzling an endless stream of low-quality lager is incompatible with healthy living. I’m here to tell you that this is a lie. It’s been a week since anything besides Pabst Blue Ribbon has

Entertainment | Humor

Biden Acceptance Speech Interrupted by Kanye Concession

Joe Biden’s acceptance speech was interrupted by rapper turned presidential candidate Kanye West who rushed the stage to deliver his impassioned concession speech.

Entertainment | Humor

If We Defund the Police They Won’t Have Money To Pay Wrongful Death Lawsuits To All Those Families

Cops suck. There’s no question about that. I’m not a dumbass boot licker. However, I don’t know if we should be calling for the police to be defunded. I mean, I get the sentiment but I don’t believe it’s going to fix the problem.

Entertainment | Humor

U.S. Military Considers Dropping Gender Reveal Bombs in Middle East

The Department of Defense began compiling a report this week aimed at assessing the viability of gender reveal “bombs” as effective weapons.

Entertainment | Humor

Blues Traveler Inducted Into “Band You’re Probably Gonna Hear at Walgreens” Hall of Fame

Blues Traveler were inducted into the “Band You’re Probably Gonna Hear at Walgreens” Hall of Fame for being the most played at the pharmacy chain.

Entertainment | Humor

MAGA Patriot Stalks Man for Three Miles in Self Defense

Armed MAGA patriot Kenneth Carter spent several days tracking a man over several miles in what he claims was self defense.

Entertainment | Humor

Police Department Reminded to Not Wear White Hoods After Labor Day

Milwaukee Chief of Police Roger Brooks held a department-wide meeting today to remind his officers not to wear their white hoods after Labor Day.

Entertainment | Humor

Punk Rock Noise Machine Lets You Fall Asleep to Sound of Parents Arguing

After months of rigorous beta testing, AggroNap, a new sleep aid machine geared toward people who grew up in broken homes, is set to hit the market.

Entertainment | Humor

BREAKING: Biden Vows to Defund Itty Bitty Titty Committee

Joe Biden intends to defund the “Itty Bitty Titty Committee,” as well as provide tax credits for Americans sporting C-cup “over the shoulder boulder holders” or better.

Entertainment | Humor

RNC Picks Up Coveted TruckNutz Sponsorship

The fourth night of the Republican National Convention will feature wall-to-wall advertising from their new exclusive sponsor, TruckNutz.

Entertainment | Humor

City Excited to Use Funds From Defunded Police to Build New Highway Through Black Neighborhood

Money diverted from the Seattle Police Department to fund a new highway initiative that would be located in the heart of the historically-Black Central District.

Entertainment | Humor

Keith Richards Snorts All 10 Sauces During "Hot Ones" Appearance

Legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards took the popular interview show “Hot Ones” to a new level by snorting all 10 sauces in rapid succession.

Entertainment | Humor

Klan Member Suddenly Opposed to Wearing Shitty Homemade Masks

Local Klan member and conservative activist David Mount changed his views on wearing “silly little masks” in public following recent stay-at-home orders.

Entertainment | Humor

Sobbing Eric Trump Chokes Down Seventh Can of Goya Beans

Eric Trump choked down a seventh consecutive can of Goya beans this morning after a week of binging the brand’s products to garner support from his father.

Entertainment | Humor

New Employee Too Afraid to Take Sick Day Gives Entire Office Coronavirus

Junior designer Lewis Cooper accidentally contaminated his entire office with the deadly coronavirus, thanks to his fear of calling in sick and losing his job.

Entertainment | Humor

A Comprehensive Guide of What You’re Allowed to Wear When Fighting Fascism

When fighting for a cause it’s important to keep ourselves in check. We must ask one another important questions like, “How are we affecting real…

Entertainment | Humor

Punk Carolers Regretting Decision to Sing “Last Caress”

Punk Christmas carolers regretted their choice to include The Misfits’ classic “Last Caress” after it was met with a mix of disgust and horror.

Entertainment | Humor

GG Allin Hologram to Throw Feces at Coachella

A revolutionary new hologram of GG Allin will chuck his feces directly into the Coachella crowd.

Entertainment | Humor

Punk Assures Friends New Boyfriend More Fucked up Than He Appears

Local punk Kelsey Hernandez insisted yet again today that her new, non-punk boyfriend is “more of a loose cannon than he appears.”

Music | Music

What if Beto O'Rourke Ran America Like Ian MacKaye Runs Dischord Records?

By now you’ve probably heard all about the fabulous piece on Beto O’Rourke that was published in Vanity Fair a couple of days ago. In...

Entertainment | Humor

Opinion: All Cops Are Bastards but Not All Bastards Are Cops

Travel the world and judge every individual you meet within two minutes of meeting them. You’ll find there are a lot more bastards that you thought!

Entertainment | Humor

Hungover Replacements Horrified to Learn Band Had 40-Year Run

Former members of The Replacements learned, upon finally sobering up after decades of heavy drinking, that their band’s legacy now spans nearly 40 years.