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45 Minute Presentation About the Dangers of Wokeness to Open For Upcoming Disturbed Tour

Long-running nu-metal band Disturbed surprised fans by announcing that the opener for their upcoming North America tour will be a 45 minute presentation about the “dangers of wokeness,” disheartened but unsurprised sources report.

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Incredible: This Guy With a Goatee Never Heard of Disturbed

Normally with goatee guys, certain behaviors are expected: drive past a school yard too many times, stalk your ex-wife, drink Coors light and listen to Disturbed in your car on lunch breaks. These are all hurtful stereotypes of course, but they have been

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Nu-Metal Fan Whose JNCOs Inflated Like Parachute Only Survivor in Plane Crash

Nu-metal fan and dedicated JNCO jeans wearer Chad Willis was the only surviving passenger of a plane crash after his comically oversized pants served as a de facto parachute.