#Satire
Entertainment | Humor
Blues Traveler Inducted Into “Band You’re Probably Gonna Hear at Walgreens” Hall of Fame
Blues Traveler were inducted into the “Band You’re Probably Gonna Hear at Walgreens” Hall of Fame for being the most played at the pharmacy chain.
Entertainment | Humor
MAGA Patriot Stalks Man for Three Miles in Self Defense
Armed MAGA patriot Kenneth Carter spent several days tracking a man over several miles in what he claims was self defense.
Humor | Political Humor
Oscars To Have New Inclusion Rule To Ensure Absolutely No One Cares About Oscars [Satire]
The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences has developed a new inclusion requirement for Oscar-nominated films. The Academy says it wants to make sure the winning films contain significant roles for groups who are under-represented in Hollywood, lik
Entertainment | Humor
Police Department Reminded to Not Wear White Hoods After Labor Day
Milwaukee Chief of Police Roger Brooks held a department-wide meeting today to remind his officers not to wear their white hoods after Labor Day.
Entertainment | Humor
Punk Rock Noise Machine Lets You Fall Asleep to Sound of Parents Arguing
After months of rigorous beta testing, AggroNap, a new sleep aid machine geared toward people who grew up in broken homes, is set to hit the market.
Entertainment | Humor
Relationship With Communist Girlfriend Totally Works in Theory
Local man Joseph Whitt described moments ago his relationship with hardcore tankie and politically communist girlfriend Stephanie Arlin as being “totally workable in theory.”
Entertainment | Humor
BREAKING: Biden Vows to Defund Itty Bitty Titty Committee
Joe Biden intends to defund the “Itty Bitty Titty Committee,” as well as provide tax credits for Americans sporting C-cup “over the shoulder boulder holders” or better.
Entertainment | Humor
RNC Picks Up Coveted TruckNutz Sponsorship
The fourth night of the Republican National Convention will feature wall-to-wall advertising from their new exclusive sponsor, TruckNutz.
Entertainment | Humor
My Dad Didn’t Die for Our Country Just for a Bunch of Liberals to Ruin It. He Died From Alcoholism
America is being destroyed by the liberal elite and it makes me absolutely sick. And it would’ve made my dad sick, too. After all, he didn’t die for our country just for it to be ruined by a generation of communist snowflakes. He died because every ni
Entertainment | Humor
City Excited to Use Funds From Defunded Police to Build New Highway Through Black Neighborhood
Money diverted from the Seattle Police Department to fund a new highway initiative that would be located in the heart of the historically-Black Central District.
Entertainment | Humor
Keith Richards Snorts All 10 Sauces During "Hot Ones" Appearance
Legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards took the popular interview show “Hot Ones” to a new level by snorting all 10 sauces in rapid succession.
Entertainment | Humor
Conservatives Warn Radical Kamala Harris Will Impose Her Christian Beliefs On American Populace
WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that this was only the first step of many designed to destroy freedom and turn the nation into an extremist nightmare, conservative pundits warned Wednesday that known radical Kamala Harris would soon impose her Christian beliefs
Entertainment | Humor
Benny Hill - The Strolling Ones (1965)
Benny is a rock star who sings "Rose" as Mick Jagger. Benny is also the drummer, the guitar player, the rest of the band, a man in the audience and a screami...
Entertainment | Humor
Klan Member Suddenly Opposed to Wearing Shitty Homemade Masks
Local Klan member and conservative activist David Mount changed his views on wearing “silly little masks” in public following recent stay-at-home orders.
Entertainment | Humor
Sobbing Eric Trump Chokes Down Seventh Can of Goya Beans
Eric Trump choked down a seventh consecutive can of Goya beans this morning after a week of binging the brand’s products to garner support from his father.
Entertainment | Humor
Fauci Pronounces Trump 'Dead From the Neck-Up'
Dr. Fauci has grave news for the people of America -- President Donald Trump is 100% brain dead. Grave, but also unsurprising news, as it turns out.
Humor | Political Humor
How to Celebrate July 4 Without Getting Canceled for Glorifying White Supremacy
The United States of America turns 244 this weekend. Normally that would be cause for celebration, but not anymore, now that the prevailing cultural sentiment demands that athletes issue statements to explain why they didn't take a knee during the nationa
Entertainment | Humor
Anarchist Bookstore Unsure What to Do After Robbery
Employees working at the famed Nothing But Their Chains Anarchist Bookstore were unclear how to handle a robbery that occurred early Tuesday.
Entertainment | Humor
A Message From Mrs. Butterworth
Until this moment, the breakfast icon had been too busy to address questions about her race. #UncleBen #AuntJemima #MrsButterworth Subscribe To "The Late Sho...
Entertainment | Humor
Bible Scholars Confirm 'Do Not Be Anxious' Does Not Apply In A Global Pandemic
U.S.—Scholars across the nation have come to an agreement that the biblical commands not to be anxious do not apply in a global pandemic.From Jesus's command not to be anxious in Matthew 6 to Paul's similar exhortation in Philippians 4, none
Entertainment | Humor
Trump Threatens More Plagues Unless State Governors Let His People Go
WASHINGTON, D.C—As more state governors lock down and enslave their people, one hero has been called to save Americans from their masters.President Donald Trump says he was commanded by a burning rose bush in the Rose Garden to confront Democratic s
Entertainment | Humor
Baptists Delighted They Can Now Wear Masks At Liquor Store
U.S.—Baptist believers have reported they are "utterly delighted" to learn they can now wear full face masks at the liquor store, preventing anyone from recognizing them.As soon as people started wearing masks in public, Baptists jumped at
Entertainment | Humor
Mike Pence to Send All Infected Citizens to Coronavirus Conversion Therapy
Mike Pence announced plans today to protect American citizens from the coronavirus by sending all infected to a faith-based conversion therapy treatment facility.
Entertainment | Humor
Harvey Weinstein Nominated For Best Actor In His Role As Crippled Old Pervert
AMERICAN film producer and now actor Harvey Weinstein joins Jonathan Pryce, Antonio Banderas, Leonardo DiCaprio, Adam Driver and Joaquin Phoenix as a Best Actor Oscar nominee for his role as a crippled old pervert, WWN …
Entertainment | Humor
New Employee Too Afraid to Take Sick Day Gives Entire Office Coronavirus
Junior designer Lewis Cooper accidentally contaminated his entire office with the deadly coronavirus, thanks to his fear of calling in sick and losing his job.
Entertainment | Humor
A Comprehensive Guide of What You’re Allowed to Wear When Fighting Fascism
When fighting for a cause it’s important to keep ourselves in check. We must ask one another important questions like, “How are we affecting real…
Entertainment | Humor
Report: 90% of people need to fuck off
Scientists are reporting that more people than ever before need to fuck off, which almost certainly includes you. The number of people who desperately need...
Politics | Politics
Nation's Murderous Psychopaths Undecided On Whether They’ll Follow New Gun Laws
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats such as Beto O’Rourke have proposed a number of new gun laws, such as universal background checks, a ban on magazines that hold more than ten bullets, and possibly even a “mandatory buyback” of some weapo
Politics | Politics
The Honkley Meme is a symbol of white supremacy - NPC Daily
Despite what you may have heard from alt-right hate mongers like Tim Pool and Paul Joseph Watson, clowns are indeed a symbol of racism and white supremacy. And it’s not just that weird toad thing the SPLC-designated hate group Four Chan has named “Hon
Entertainment | Entertainment
12 Things You Might Not Know About MAD Magazine | Mental Floss
As fast as popular culture could erect wholesome depictions of American life in comics, television, or movies, MAD Magazine was there to tear them all down.
Entertainment | Humor
This woman’s hilarious video about ‘straight pride’ is so funny even straight people are sharing it
Eva Victor's explanation to her boyfriend why she's so excited about attending the "Straight Pride" parade has gone viral for all the right reasons...
Entertainment | Humor
Mueller Report Cold Open - SNL
Robert Mueller (Robert De Niro), William Barr (Aidy Bryant) and President Trump (Alec Baldwin) summarize the Mueller Report. #SNL #SandraOh #TameImpala #SNL4...
Entertainment | Humor
Beto Calls Cops on Self for Skating on Own Driveway
Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was questioned by police on Tuesday after calling to report himself for skating on his own private property.
Entertainment | Humor
GG Allin Hologram to Throw Feces at Coachella
A revolutionary new hologram of GG Allin will chuck his feces directly into the Coachella crowd.
Entertainment | Humor
Punk Assures Friends New Boyfriend More Fucked up Than He Appears
Local punk Kelsey Hernandez insisted yet again today that her new, non-punk boyfriend is “more of a loose cannon than he appears.”
Entertainment | Humor
Lucky Airline Passenger Wins Free Five-Hour Spoken Word Concert by Jello Biafra
An airline passenger was treated to an "energetic" and "unending" spoken word concert from none other than former Dead Kennedys frontman Jello Biafra.
Entertainment | Humor
Opinion: All Cops Are Bastards but Not All Bastards Are Cops
Travel the world and judge every individual you meet within two minutes of meeting them. You’ll find there are a lot more bastards that you thought!
Entertainment | Humor
Hungover Replacements Horrified to Learn Band Had 40-Year Run
Former members of The Replacements learned, upon finally sobering up after decades of heavy drinking, that their band’s legacy now spans nearly 40 years.
Entertainment | Humor
SEE IT: Sacha Baron Cohen goads Sheriff Joe Arpaio into saying he would accept sexual favors from President Trump
"America's Toughest Sheriff" has become Sacha Baron Cohen's latest victim.
Humor | Political Humor
WATCH: Ben Shapiro Finally 'Interviews' Ocasio-Cortez | Daily Wire
Fresh off the hysteria over a conservative media personality posting an obviously satirical fake interview with Democratic candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Daily Wire Editor-in-Chief Ben Shapiro posted an obviously satirical fake interview with America
Entertainment | Humor
Navy totally going to turn this ship around if Marines don't stop poking each other
The Marines on the ship are currently "out of f--king control."
Humor | Political Humor
WALSH: Mankind Will Be Extinct Within 50 Years If We Do Not Abolish Plastic Straws
I thought I had witnessed the zenith of human courage when Billy Joel recently announced in an interview that "Nazis aren't good people." Joel is risking his career, perhaps even his li
Politics | The Hall of Idiots
Ocasio-Cortez Responds To Parody Video Mocking Her. She Gets Crushed.
Socialist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez responded to a hilarious parody video produced by CRTV that mocked her as lacking intelligence and being willing to mislead people.
Entertainment | Humor
NRA - Sunday with Lubach
There's something going on in the world. A situation we cannot ignore any longer and we need to address it. Say nay to NRA (nonsensical rifle addiction). Fro...
Entertainment | Humor
Joel Osteen Sails Luxury Yacht Through Flooded Houston To Pass Out Copies Of 'Your Best Life Now'
HOUSTON, TX—Although Joel Osteen took flak over the weekend for closing up his church to flood victims and all but disappearing during the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, the megachurch pastor reportedly returned to the city on his luxury yacht “S.
Entertainment | Humor
Waste Management To Offer Dead Body Pickup Service In Response To Proposed Health Care Changes
Waste Management is uniquely positioned to cash in on the heath care crisis.
Entertainment | Humor
“Hail Satan” license plates now available in Tenn.
After Tennessee legislators passed a bill to allow residents to get license plates that bear the phrase “In God We Trust,” in the interest of religious diversity, other plates were made…
Entertainment | Humor
MAD Magazine presents "Gall in the Family Fare"
In the early '70s, Mad Magazine did their parody on the show "All in the Family" calling it "Gall in the Family Fare". At one point, they recorded an audio v...
Entertainment | Humor
How I Turned the News About Police Shooting Unarmed Minorities into an Unsuccessful Petition for a Black Spider-Man Movie
I knew I’d face a lot of adversity if I took a stance. I took comfort in the words of Ben Parker: “With great power comes great responsibility.”
Entertainment | Humor
GG Allin Impersonator Booed Offstage for Having Adequately Sized Penis
The debut performance of GG Allin tribute act Assface was cut short when fans jeered at frontman Kevin McGowan’s average-sized penis.
Entertainment | Humor
In Gender-Equal Punk House, No One Does the Dishes
None of the residents of the Apple Core report feeling obligated by a sense of societal norms to clean any dirty dishes in the kitchen sink.
Humor | Humor
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out - The Onion - America's Finest News Source
Exhilarated for every minute of his multiday binge, local man Todd Caramanica told reporters Thursday that his relapse into crippling alcoholism has been the greatest week of his life.
Entertainment | Movies & Other Stuff
'SNL' Has Never Been More Popular and Less Fun
Everyone is watching to see how the show takes on Donald Trump, and it’s been a real slog.
Humor | Humor
Sean Spicer is Trump's dad in a 'Daily Show' parody of that BBC video
How'd he get in there?
Sports | Cycling
Biketown YYJ
Biketown is a celebration of cycling in Victoria, BC. A parody of Downtown by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Biketown features the people and places that make Vict...
Entertainment | Humor
The Netherlands welcomes Trump in his own words
The whole world was watching for the inauguration of the 45th president of the United States: Donald J. Trump. Because we realize it's better for us to get a...
Entertainment | Humor
Obama: 'Help Us Destroy Jesus And Start A New Age Of Liberal Darkness'
CHARLOTTE, NC—With the savage roar of the heathen Democratic horde rising all around him, President Barack Obama delivered an incendiary speech to close his party’s national convention Thursday night, commanding the ultraprogressive minions in
Entertainment | Humor
Trump Says He Heroically Avoided Capture in Vietnam by Staying in U.S. - The New Yorker
“The Cong were after me,” Donald Trump said, “and then, just in the nick of time, I got my deferment.”
Entertainment | Humor
Emotional Obama Tearfully Thanks Trump for Granting Him Citizenship - The New Yorker
“It’s great to be an American, at last,” the President said.
Food & Drink | Chicago Food & Drink
‘We Get The Food And Then We Eat The Food Until All The Food Is Gone,’ City Of Chicago Announces Unprompted - The On
The Onion, America's Finest News Source.
Humor | Humor
Man Announces Plan To Take Out Anger On First Less Powerful Person He Sees - The Onion - America's Finest News Source
The Onion, America's Finest News Source.
Humor | Humor
Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...
Humor | Humor
Apple Fans Demand Other Products They Can Feel Directly Against Skin At All Times | The Onion - America's Finest News So
SAN FRANCISCO—Following Monday’s unveiling of the highly anticipated Apple Watch, fans of Apple across the nation reportedly called on the company to manufacture more products that they can feel pressed against their skin at all times.
Humor | Humor
Iranian Team Openly Working On Bomb In Negotiating Room | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
VIENNA—Asserting the Middle Eastern nation’s right to a safe, peaceful energy program, members of the Iranian diplomatic team attempted to seek more favorable terms of a deal with the P5+1 global powers while openly assembling a nuclear weapon...
Humor | Humor
Siblings Quietly Relieved Oldest Brother Setting Bar So Low | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
CHARLOTTE, NC—Explaining how the 25-year-old’s personal and academic shortcomings had made their relationship with their parents far easier, siblings Eric and Theresa Conrad confided to reporters Friday that they were quietly relieved their ol...
Humor | Humor
Neighbors Come Together To Watch BMW Owner Struggle In Snow | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
EVANSTON, IL—Putting aside their own responsibilities and quickly gathering at their neighbor’s driveway, Foster Street residents reportedly came together Monday to watch a BMW owner struggle to free his car from the snow.
Entertainment | Entertainment
Princess Leia Walks Around NYC, Gets Harassed by Everyone From Yoda to Darth Vader | Adweek
The universe was shaken when we watched hidden-camera footage of a woman walking around NYC and getting harassed. Then we saw what happens when a white man suffers the same fate. Now, in the latest parody of the Hollaback!
Humor | Humor
Documentary Viewer Can’t Wait To Find Out Which 4 Lads From Liverpool Changed Music Forever | The Onion - America's Fi
DETROIT—Yearning with breathless anticipation to learn more about the hugely influential band, documentary viewer Jeremy Rosen told reporters Wednesday that he could not wait to find out which four lads from Liverpool had changed the face of music f...
Humor | Funny Stuff
22 Words That Have A Totally Different Meaning In The South
It's more than a region, it's a state of mind.
Humor | Humor
Obama Sleeping With Louisville Slugger Under Bed Now | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
WASHINGTON—Following the latest security breach at the White House over the weekend, President Obama told reporters Monday that he is taking extra safety precautions by now sleeping with a Louisville Slugger under his bed.
Politics | Interesting Links
Andrew Klavan: Democrats at War
In which our host, Andrew Klavan, discusses the lies, double-speak, failures and foibles of Democrats at War. TRANSCRIPT: RT - DEMOCRATS AT WAR! I’m Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth! Today, in a Revolting Truth special, we bring you a story
Humor | Humor
Watchdog: Obstructionist Israel Plans to Continue Existing –...
The report calls on Netanyahu to negotiate the complete relinquishing of all Israeli territory in good faith.
Business & Finance | Advertising/Marketing
Zany, Boozy 'Mad Men'-Era Illustrations by Virgil Partch
After the last few years of watching sad-bastard mid-century businessmen get hammered on Mad Men, the new collection of Virgil Partch's illustrations from roughly the same period, Cork High and Bot...
