#satire

Humor | Humor

Man Waits Until Haircut Finished to Interrupt Barber’s Right-Wing Rant

A local man waited until his haircut was safely completed Thursday evening before attempting to stop to his barber’s hateful political tirade.

Humor | Humor

Tense Introduction Between FBI and Local Police Calmed by Racist Joke

FBI Agent Dan Trolley defused a tense standoff with local police over the jurisdiction of a crime scene with a well-timed racist joke passed down to him from his law enforcement mentor

Humor | Humor

New “Fox and Friends” Reboot to be Shot Entirely from Front Seat of Ford F-150

Producers of “Fox & Friends” will move the popular news show from its regular shooting location in Rockefeller Center to the front seat of a Ford F-150 pickup truck.

Humor | Humor

Jazz Drummer Holds Fork Like That Too

Clint Frenzy, the legendary jazz drummer known for his innovative yet traditional style, reportedly holds his fork the same “kind of weird” way he holds his drumsticks.

Humor | Humor

Will One of You Liiberals Show Me How to Work a Podcast?

I don’t buy into all that PC crap, no one’s gonna tell me what I can and can’t do! Anyway, will one of you libtards help me get the O'Reilly show podcast?

Humor | Humor

What Joining a Hate Group While Cheating on My Husband and Abusing Pills Taught Me About Writing Clickbait

At the beginning of this year my once stable life took a drastic left turn. One moment, I had it all. Then, I started having anonymous sex with married men. This led to an opioid addiction and also I joined a white pride group just to boot.

Humor | Humor

We Sat Down With Ted Nugent Because He Thought We Were 15

So we were just sitting outside Cafe du Stefan in Jackson, Michigan waiting for our Americanos when a man who looked like he held Civil War reenactments in a honky-tonk bar grabbed a chair from the next table and sat at ours. While we would come to discov

Humor | Humor

Small Town Scene Officially Out of People to Have Relationships With

A small punk community in central New York officially ran out of new scene members to fuck late yesterday evening.

Humor | Humor

Cool! This Cute Little Kid Likes Stuff From the ‘80s Because His Dad Makes Him

Aww! This adorable little boy loves retro ‘80s stuff because he’s a walking monument to his dad’s crippling nostalgia!

Humor | Humor

6 Amazing Taco Bell Hacks From My Dad’s Video Will

Fast food is all about reliability, but sometimes you crave something new and exciting. That’s why we’re sharing six mind-blowing hacks you can use to spice up your Taco Bell order, straight from my dad’s video will!

Humor | Humor

Woman Calls Cops On Person for Not Having Home to Display Liberal Lawn Sign

Self-proclaimed activist Jane Lipton is in hot water after calling the cops on an unhoused neighbor for their inability to display an “In This House, We Believe” yard sign.

Humor | Humor

Rush Limbaugh Emerges from Pet Sematary Unchanged

Rush Limbaugh defied all odds by emerging from the notoriously possessed Pet Sematary unchanged.

Humor | Humor

How To Do Yoga in a Way That Worships Satan

One of the most sacred rituals a person can perform for themselves is the practice of yoga. A yogi is at one with their mind, body, and spirit. But did you know that when practicing yoga, you can also worship the Fallen Light-Bearer himself, Satan?

Humor | Humor

Ben Shapiro Criticizes Georgia O'Keeffe Paintings for Not Looking Like Anything

Political commentator Ben Shapiro admitted today that he doesn’t like the paintings of renowned artist Georgia O’Keeffe because her works “look like absolutely nothing.”

Humor | Humor

French Film Somehow Makes Even Less Sense With Subtitles

The French film “La Joie des Moineaux,” incomprehensible in its native language, is even more confusing for foreign viewers when watched with English subtitles.

Humor | Humor

24-year-old to Be Tried As a Child

Local 24-year-old adult person Travis Parkes will be prosecuted in juvenile court after a judge’s ruling of, “I mean, look at this kid.”

Humor | Humor

Man Retires From Proud Boys after Single Hug From Father

Greg Pough retired as an active member of the Proud Boys today following a three-second embrace with his father that ended with a pat on the back.

Entertainment | Entertainment

Sacha Baron Cohen On 'Borat' Ethics And Why His Disguise Days Are Over

Baron Cohen has been chased, sued and nearly arrested while in character. A scary experience with a gun rights rally while filming Borat 2 solidified his decision: "At some point, your luck runs out."

Humor | Humor

Ted Cruz Heroically Investigates Whether Mexico Stole Heat and Sun from Texas

The senator said that he undertook the mission because he cares deeply about the current suffering of his fellow-Texans.

Humor | Humor

Conservative Pundits Fly False Flags at Half Mast in Honor of Rush Limbaugh

Conservative talking heads across the country mourned the loss of Rush Limbaugh by reducing how many times they mentioned false flag operations on their respective shows.

Advice & Self-Help | Advice & Self-Help

Brenda's Beaver Needs a Barber - Famadillo.com

Yes, Brenda's Beaver Needs a Barber is a real book.  Brenda's Beaver Needs a Barber is the fun story about a woman and her beaver. Nothing more. Please

Humor | Humor

Paul McCartney Wishes People Would Ask Him A Question About Wings Every Once in Awhile

Paul McCartney allegedly wishes someone would occasionally ask him about his time playing and performing with Wings.

Humor | Humor

Jesus Helped Me Quit Alcohol and Now It’s Time for Me To Help Him Do the Same

When I was deep in the throes of my alcohol addiction it felt like there was no hope for me. It felt like the whole world rested on my chest and the only thing that could lift the weight was the contents of a bottle. That’s when I found a friend in Jesu

Humor | Humor

Trump spends final days just rubbing his dick on everything in White House

WASHINGTON D.C. – As the days wind down in the first and potentially only term held by President Trump, the Commander in Chief is reported to be spending his dwindling hours rubbing his penis over every possible surface in the White House.

Humor | Humor

Man Who Stormed Senate Already Back to Yelling at Skateboarders in Walmart Parking Lot

Ben Hartsock resumed his normal business of yelling at skateboarders for trespassing in a parking lot less than 24 hours after breaking into the Capitol Building.

Humor | Humor

Bruce Springsteen Shreds - Light Of Day

On January 7, 2000 at Madison Square Garden, Springsteen fans were treated to a once of a lifetime performance of the hit song "Light of Day". Always innovat...

Humor | Humor

Help! ICE Just Took Baby Jesus From Our Nativity Scene

This has to be some type of miscommunication. ICE just showed up at our front door. We allowed them in, of course, as we assumed…

Humor | Humor

In Blow To Biden Transition, Trump Reveals He Has Obtained The Darksaber

WASHINGTON, DC - In a shocking upset, President Trump brought Biden's transition to a screeching halt after revealing he has obtained the legendary Darksaber. According to lore, the Darksaber gives Trump all rights of kingship over America, which can only

Humor | Humor

Hallmark Christmas Romance Movies Set Unrealistic Expectations for Having Any Human Interaction Ever Again

Hallmark Channel’s signature Christmas-themed romance movies reportedly promote an unhealthy expectation of any kind of human interaction.

Humor | Humor

Ben Shapiro Pulls Pants Down to Ankles Before Peeing in Urinal

Alt-right conservative commentator Ben Shapiro pulled his pants all the way down around his ankles yesterday before using the urinal in a public restroom.

Politics | Politics

Betsy DeVos Warns That Biden Will Pick Education Secretary with Background in Education

“For the past four years, I have worked tirelessly to keep our schools free from education,” she said.

Humor | Humor

Aerosmith Inducted Into Mediocre Unremarkable Middle-of-the-Road Bullshit Hall of Fame

After nearly five decades and 15 studio albums, Aerosmith will be inducted into the Mediocre Unremarkable Middle-of-the-Road Bullshit Hall of Fame.

Humor | Humor

If Drinking Nothing but PBR Isn’t a Cleanse, Then Why Is My Piss Clear?

All too often, health gurus and ex-partners will tell you that guzzling an endless stream of low-quality lager is incompatible with healthy living. I’m here to tell you that this is a lie. It’s been a week since anything besides Pabst Blue Ribbon has

Humor | Humor

Biden Acceptance Speech Interrupted by Kanye Concession

Joe Biden’s acceptance speech was interrupted by rapper turned presidential candidate Kanye West who rushed the stage to deliver his impassioned concession speech.

Humor | Humor

Missing Thanksgiving - Aerosmith Parody

This song is for all the Grandmas who usually host Thanksgiving. We're really going to miss your cornbread dressing, Grammy. Dang it Rona! Stay safe everyone...

Humor | Humor

Trump's Spiritual Advisor Remix

Angels from Africa are coming!! ???????????? The Kiffness on Spotify: https://bit.ly/Kiffness Follow The Kiffness on socials: https://www.facebook.com/thekiffness htt...

Humor | Humor

If We Defund the Police They Won’t Have Money To Pay Wrongful Death Lawsuits To All Those Families

Cops suck. There’s no question about that. I’m not a dumbass boot licker. However, I don’t know if we should be calling for the police to be defunded. I mean, I get the sentiment but I don’t believe it’s going to fix the problem.

Humor | Humor

AOC Cancels Event Honoring Arafat After Learning he Visited Israel - The Mideast Beast

New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has backed out of an event honoring former Palestinian Liberation Organization chairman Yasser Arafat

Humor | Humor

U.S. Military Considers Dropping Gender Reveal Bombs in Middle East

The Department of Defense began compiling a report this week aimed at assessing the viability of gender reveal “bombs” as effective weapons.

Humor | Humor

Blues Traveler Inducted Into “Band You’re Probably Gonna Hear at Walgreens” Hall of Fame

Blues Traveler were inducted into the “Band You’re Probably Gonna Hear at Walgreens” Hall of Fame for being the most played at the pharmacy chain.

Humor | Humor

MAGA Patriot Stalks Man for Three Miles in Self Defense

Armed MAGA patriot Kenneth Carter spent several days tracking a man over several miles in what he claims was self defense.

Humor | Political Humor

Oscars To Have New Inclusion Rule To Ensure Absolutely No One Cares About Oscars [Satire]

The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences has developed a new inclusion requirement for Oscar-nominated films. The Academy says it wants to make sure the winning films contain significant roles for groups who are under-represented in Hollywood, lik

Humor | Humor

Police Department Reminded to Not Wear White Hoods After Labor Day

Milwaukee Chief of Police Roger Brooks held a department-wide meeting today to remind his officers not to wear their white hoods after Labor Day.

Humor | Humor

Punk Rock Noise Machine Lets You Fall Asleep to Sound of Parents Arguing

After months of rigorous beta testing, AggroNap, a new sleep aid machine geared toward people who grew up in broken homes, is set to hit the market.

Humor | Humor

Relationship With Communist Girlfriend Totally Works in Theory

Local man Joseph Whitt described moments ago his relationship with hardcore tankie and politically communist girlfriend Stephanie Arlin as being “totally workable in theory.”

Humor | Humor

BREAKING: Biden Vows to Defund Itty Bitty Titty Committee

Joe Biden intends to defund the “Itty Bitty Titty Committee,” as well as provide tax credits for Americans sporting C-cup “over the shoulder boulder holders” or better.

Humor | Humor

RNC Picks Up Coveted TruckNutz Sponsorship

The fourth night of the Republican National Convention will feature wall-to-wall advertising from their new exclusive sponsor, TruckNutz.

Humor | Humor

My Dad Didn’t Die for Our Country Just for a Bunch of Liberals to Ruin It. He Died From Alcoholism

America is being destroyed by the liberal elite and it makes me absolutely sick. And it would’ve made my dad sick, too. After all, he didn’t die for our country just for it to be ruined by a generation of communist snowflakes. He died because every ni

Humor | Humor

City Excited to Use Funds From Defunded Police to Build New Highway Through Black Neighborhood

Money diverted from the Seattle Police Department to fund a new highway initiative that would be located in the heart of the historically-Black Central District.

Humor | Humor

Keith Richards Snorts All 10 Sauces During "Hot Ones" Appearance

Legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards took the popular interview show “Hot Ones” to a new level by snorting all 10 sauces in rapid succession.

Humor | Humor

Conservatives Warn Radical Kamala Harris Will Impose Her Christian Beliefs On American Populace

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that this was only the first step of many designed to destroy freedom and turn the nation into an extremist nightmare, conservative pundits warned Wednesday that known radical Kamala Harris would soon impose her Christian beliefs

Humor | Humor

Benny Hill - The Strolling Ones (1965)

Benny is a rock star who sings "Rose" as Mick Jagger. Benny is also the drummer, the guitar player, the rest of the band, a man in the audience and a screami...

Humor | Humor

Klan Member Suddenly Opposed to Wearing Shitty Homemade Masks

Local Klan member and conservative activist David Mount changed his views on wearing “silly little masks” in public following recent stay-at-home orders.

Humor | Political Humor

How to Celebrate July 4 Without Getting Canceled for Glorifying White Supremacy

The United States of America turns 244 this weekend. Normally that would be cause for celebration, but not anymore, now that the prevailing cultural sentiment demands that athletes issue statements to explain why they didn't take a knee during the nationa

Politics | Politics

Nation's Murderous Psychopaths Undecided On Whether They’ll Follow New Gun Laws

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats such as Beto O’Rourke have proposed a number of new gun laws, such as universal background checks, a ban on magazines that hold more than ten bullets, and possibly even a “mandatory buyback” of some weapo

Politics | Politics

The Honkley Meme is a symbol of white supremacy - NPC Daily

Despite what you may have heard from alt-right hate mongers like Tim Pool and Paul Joseph Watson, clowns are indeed a symbol of racism and white supremacy. And it’s not just that weird toad thing the SPLC-designated hate group Four Chan has named “Hon

Entertainment | Entertainment

12 Things You Might Not Know About MAD Magazine | Mental Floss

As fast as popular culture could erect wholesome depictions of American life in comics, television, or movies, MAD Magazine was there to tear them all down.

Humor | Political Humor

WATCH: Ben Shapiro Finally 'Interviews' Ocasio-Cortez | Daily Wire

Fresh off the hysteria over a conservative media personality posting an obviously satirical fake interview with Democratic candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Daily Wire Editor-in-Chief Ben Shapiro posted an obviously satirical fake interview with America

Humor | Political Humor

WALSH: Mankind Will Be Extinct Within 50 Years If We Do Not Abolish Plastic Straws

I thought I had witnessed the zenith of human courage when Billy Joel recently announced in an interview that "Nazis aren't good people." Joel is risking his career, perhaps even his li

Politics | The Hall of Idiots

Ocasio-Cortez Responds To Parody Video Mocking Her. She Gets Crushed.

Socialist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez responded to a hilarious parody video produced by CRTV that mocked her as lacking intelligence and being willing to mislead people.

Humor | Humor

Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out - The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Exhilarated for every minute of his multiday binge, local man Todd Caramanica told reporters Thursday that his relapse into crippling alcoholism has been the greatest week of his life.

Entertainment | Movies & Other Stuff

'SNL' Has Never Been More Popular and Less Fun

Everyone is watching to see how the show takes on Donald Trump, and it’s been a real slog.

Humor | Humor

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Humor | Humor

Apple Fans Demand Other Products They Can Feel Directly Against Skin At All Times | The Onion - America's Finest News So

SAN FRANCISCO—Following Monday’s unveiling of the highly anticipated Apple Watch, fans of Apple across the nation reportedly called on the company to manufacture more products that they can feel pressed against their skin at all times.

Humor | Humor

Iranian Team Openly Working On Bomb In Negotiating Room | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

VIENNA—Asserting the Middle Eastern nation’s right to a safe, peaceful energy program, members of the Iranian diplomatic team attempted to seek more favorable terms of a deal with the P5+1 global powers while openly assembling a nuclear weapon...

Humor | Humor

Siblings Quietly Relieved Oldest Brother Setting Bar So Low | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

CHARLOTTE, NC—Explaining how the 25-year-old’s personal and academic shortcomings had made their relationship with their parents far easier, siblings Eric and Theresa Conrad confided to reporters Friday that they were quietly relieved their ol...

Humor | Humor

Neighbors Come Together To Watch BMW Owner Struggle In Snow | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

EVANSTON, IL—Putting aside their own responsibilities and quickly gathering at their neighbor’s driveway, Foster Street residents reportedly came together Monday to watch a BMW owner struggle to free his car from the snow.

Entertainment | Entertainment

Princess Leia Walks Around NYC, Gets Harassed by Everyone From Yoda to Darth Vader | Adweek

The universe was shaken when we watched hidden-camera footage of a woman walking around NYC and getting harassed. Then we saw what happens when a white man suffers the same fate. Now, in the latest parody of the Hollaback!

Humor | Humor

Documentary Viewer Can’t Wait To Find Out Which 4 Lads From Liverpool Changed Music Forever | The Onion - America's Fi

DETROIT—Yearning with breathless anticipation to learn more about the hugely influential band, documentary viewer Jeremy Rosen told reporters Wednesday that he could not wait to find out which four lads from Liverpool had changed the face of music f...

Humor | Funny Stuff

22 Words That Have A Totally Different Meaning In The South

It's more than a region, it's a state of mind.

Humor | Humor

Obama Sleeping With Louisville Slugger Under Bed Now | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

WASHINGTON—Following the latest security breach at the White House over the weekend, President Obama told reporters Monday that he is taking extra safety precautions by now sleeping with a Louisville Slugger under his bed.

Politics | Interesting Links

Andrew Klavan: Democrats at War

In which our host, Andrew Klavan, discusses the lies, double-speak, failures and foibles of Democrats at War. TRANSCRIPT: RT - DEMOCRATS AT WAR! I’m Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth! Today, in a Revolting Truth special, we bring you a story

Humor | Humor

Watchdog: Obstructionist Israel Plans to Continue Existing –...

The report calls on Netanyahu to negotiate the complete relinquishing of all Israeli territory in good faith.

Business & Finance | Advertising/Marketing

Zany, Boozy 'Mad Men'-Era Illustrations by Virgil Partch

After the last few years of watching sad-bastard mid-century businessmen get hammered on Mad Men, the new collection of Virgil Partch's illustrations from roughly the same period, Cork High and Bot...